My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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