I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
