yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
