Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
