I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
