So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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