Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
