dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
