Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
