Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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