They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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