Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
