Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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