11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
