He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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