if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
