Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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