My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
