I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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