One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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