please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
