You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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