Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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