I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
