Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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