You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
