Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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