OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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