my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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