he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
