Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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