fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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