I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How naked do you want me to be?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
