I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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