So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
