he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
