Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I pour the whiskey from now on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
