i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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