i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
