So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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