I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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