You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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