I wanna bring you to show and tell
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
