Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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