Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
