Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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