Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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