Having a random hookup so left but love u
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
