I like to think it a success when the cops are called
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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