My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
barbara walters just said penis...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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