He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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