there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
