where am i from again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
