The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
