Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
