see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
