Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
