And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
