and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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