I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
