Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
