And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
