My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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