Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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