I think my vagina is haunted
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
