good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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