I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You ruined the universe
Randomize
