She is in my trunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
