Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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