i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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