he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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