better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
