He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
