I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
