think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
